


Reconciling

by Spiffing



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spiffing/pseuds/Spiffing
Summary: When Amy and Rory see the Doctor again, he's in a horrible state and only an expert in Time Lord biology could save him. It becomes obvious that the only person who can save him happens to be himself. AU.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Reconciling

**Author's Note:**

> I remembered writing this all in one day back in 2011. Felt super proud. Decided to post it here.

The familiar wheezing sound was heard coming from the small back yard. Amy could hardly believe it but immediately hope and joy took her by surprise. He said he'd come back but she was never quite sure after he supposedly died. As she ran out of the house to see the royal blue TARDIS parked on the flower bed, again, she knew it was true. He has come back.

"Rory!" she shouted, annoyed that her husband wasn't quite as alert as she was, "He's back!"

"What?" Rory's voice sounded in the distance. "Who is? Where are you?"

"Out the back! It's the TARDIS."

Amy's palm pressed against the surface of the blue box. She knocked and knocked again. She was beginning to worry. Usually as soon as he landed he'd open the door and there he was with that stupid smug grin on his face.

"Doctor?" she called. "My raggedy, raggedy Doctor? Come on, open up!"

Rory rushed out a moment later. He slowed down when he saw Amy trying to get a response from inside the box with no avail. He frowned as he neared the box.

"He's not answering. Why isn't he answering?" Amy asked, looking at Rory for some help.

"Doctor?" Rory called, knocking on the door also. "Doctor, open the door."

As though it was commanded by Rory's voice, the TARDIS doors opened. Rory and Amy glanced at each other, uncertainty clear on both of their faces. Rory grabbed a spade that was leaning against a nearby tree.

Amy looked at Rory in bemusement before the two pushed the doors open wider only to see no threat insight. No sight of the Doctor either.

Cautiously, they moved in, their eyes darting around the bigger on the inside box.

"Doctor?" Amy tried again.

The spade clanged on the glass flooring.

"Oh my god."

Amy whipped around to see Rory rushing down to the floor where the heart was, under the clear glass flooring at the console. She gasped, hand over her mouth, to see the Doctor lying on the floor below, his body twisted in an odd angle in a pool of his own blood. The clothes clinging onto his thin, gaunt frame were in shreds. His whole frighteningly thin body looked damaged and abused, gashes, cuts, bruises, and raw bits of flesh. Rory had thankfully slipped into nurse mode and handled the situation in a quick, calm, and methodical manner. She watched on, helping her husband to get supplies he needed and such.

They moved The Doctor together to the medical bay in the TARDIS by the TARDIS's guiding lights, careful not to hurt the Doctor anymore than he already is. The equipment in the medical room was advanced or at least unseen by twenty first century people and Rory had to read the medical bay unit manual but even then there were things he'd never come across before. Amy tried to think, or more like not think, of how it was possible for a man who is powerful and strong to be so vulnerable and beaten up.

"What happened?" Amy demanded the TARDIS.

"Amy."

"What happened to him?" Amy shouted. She turned to Rory, "Why...? How...? Rory. Is he going to be okay?"

"I'm not sure," Rory said, unable to meet her eyes. "He's not breathing, at all but he's still alive somehow. He's... losing a lot of blood. These wounds... they're refusing to close up. I've tried everything I know. I've never seen such a thing before. I suspect some internal bleeding is happening. We're going to need expert help. And fast."

Suddenly, the TARDIS started up again and before they knew it, they were moving through time and space.

Amy grabbed Rory's hand and Rory held on tight, hoping that the TARDIS knew where they needed to be and who they needed in order to save the Doctor. They felt the familiar jolt of landing.

"I'll stay with him," Rory said, nodding. "Hurry."

Amy nodded back and quickly rushed back to the console, through the winding corridor, across the glass flooring, and to the door. She went back to where Rory dropped the metal spade and picked it up before returning to the door. She opened the door... to see that the TARDIS landed on another flower bed, to the sight of a country side and a silver Audi parked outside the wood picket fence which surrounded a cottage up ahead. This is an anticlimax, she thought.

Amy frowned, wondering why the TARDIS landed them at some remote place when the Doctor is obviously in need of some medical attention. While the TARDIS has always been good, today was not the day for shits and giggles. She warned the TARDIS glaringly before marching up to the cottage in full power walk, power run, pushing open the small wooden gate and up the gravel path. Whoever was in this place better be the answer.

She ignored the knocker on the door and rapped on the door with her knuckles loudly. When there was no response, she grabbed the knocker and used that to knock again. No response. She couldn't help thinking that the situation was getting frighteningly similar to what had happened moments before.

"Oi!" she yelled, knocking and banging the door more persistently. "Whoever is in there! You better open this door rrright now or there'll be hell to pay."

The door abruptly opened and who she saw caused the spade to be dropped again. Amy had to lean against the door frame to stop herself from falling backward towards the ground in faint. The man looked exactly like the Doctor. Clean shaven, lean build, big forehead, long chin, green eyes, brown hair... He looked at Amy in clear unguarded surprise.

"Pond?" he said in puzzlement, blinking a few times. "This is... unexpected. Very unexpected. Caught me off balance type of unexpected." He stepped forward, looking Amy up and down, his forehead creased in a frown and his eyes showed both curiosity and suspicion at the same time. "How did you find me?"

Why was it unexpected that she was able to find him? Is he the Doctor or not? Amy frowned at the man. He certainly looked like the Doctor, talked like the Doctor and acted like the Doctor. But there was something off about him. Something very... non-alien yet alien at the same time. He called her Pond. Why did he call her Pond again? She thought they were over the awkward surname calling thing. He wore the same sort of black trousers he would usually wear but instead of a bow tie he was wearing an ordinary maroon red neck tie. The sleeves of his ordinary white shirt were folded to his elbows. No braces. Business shoes, not boots.

And his hair, while the same colour, simply laid flat on top of his head, his fringe swept to the side.

"The TARDIS did," she said slowly.

"The TARDIS...?" he began trailing off when he saw it beyond Amy. Realisation dawned on him. "Oh."

He pushed past Amy and practically ran down to the TARDIS as though he already knew what had happened. Alarmed by this sudden urgent action but also very glad for it, Amy ran after him. She was about to demand from the man as to who he is, but he beat her to speaking and asked, his tone disapproving, "What's he got himself into now?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed. She was annoyed that the man thought it was her fault for not stopping the Doctor or something. It certainly sounded like he was. It was that, or the man was displeased with the Doctor always endangering his own life in his life risking adventures. "The TARDIS landed in our new garden, out of the blue and---."

Suddenly, he stopped, halting at the door. He seemed reluctant and hesitant to touch even the handle of the door. Amy looked at the man, confused and frustrated by his sudden stop. The Doctor needed urgent help!

"What? What is it?" Amy asked. She looked at the flower bed it landed on and huffed, thinking that was probably why. "It's not our fault she landed on your flower bed too. She did the same to ours. Again."

The man looked at her. He, too, was confused.

"No. Before. You said... new garden?" he asked, as though the concept was impossible.

"Yeah... You gave it to us, remember? It came with the new flat and a flashy red sports car for Rory that he always wanted?"

She narrowed her eyes at the blank look in the long time but same man's face. Maybe he isn't the Doctor.

"Bow ties---."

"Are cool," he finished automatically, his hand jumping to his neck only to pause when he realised it wasn't a bow tie he was wearing, and then tweak the knot of his neck tie unnecessarily.

Embarrassed, he finally pushed the door opened. Amy, who was now highly suspicious and confused, followed him to see that he was once again running, so she quickly picked up the pace to make sure this doppelganger of the Doctor doesn't go somewhere he wasn't supposed to. She saw him enter straight into the medical suite where Amy heard the man say, "Hello Williams" which the real Doctor would never say. He always called Rory 'Mr Pond', or 'Roranicus Pond', or something unusual like that. Amy heard Rory, in obvious surprise and confusion, reply, "Doctor?"

Amy finally made it to the room and saw that the man didn't reply to Rory's greeting. He simply began moving around, his movements smooth and succinct of a professional expert. He knew exactly what to do, knowing where exactly everything was.

So this is the expert the TARDIS thought they needed, Amy mused. Someone like the Doctor. It's weird; the Doctor's doctor is the Doctor himself. No, she's confusing herself

again. This man couldn't be the Doctor. He was dressed differently and was just... different. And this man was doing what _real_ doctors do. She wasn't sure if the Doctor was a real doctor too though so the contrast didn't work quite as well.

Rory stepped back, leaning against the wall beside Amy as they watched the lookalike

fix the Doctor. Rory looked at Amy and Amy shook her head and shrugged. She didn't know if this man is the Doctor or not but she was sure he isn't. She just didn't know why yet except that he's somewhat different. It's a feeling she couldn't put into words and she doubted anyone who could.

"Why did the TARDIS come to us first when you obviously know how to handle this?" Rory asked the man when it looked like he was almost done, almost two hours later according to the clock in the room.

The man glanced at Rory for a moment before he shrugged, returning to the Doctor's wounds.

"I'm not one hundred percent sure, Rory. Perhaps if she asked me first..."

He froze for a moment, as though he figured out the answer. He sighed.

"Perhaps she was trying to prevent something that shouldn't happen from happening... If that makes any sense."

"I guess. Sort of..." Rory said, trailing off.

"Who are you?" Amy asked, unable to keep the hostile tone from her voice.

There was a pause in the man's actions but then he resumed as if nothing had happened.

"Professor Benjamin Smith," the man introduced, throwing them a smile that looked more pained than carefree. "I'm an astrophysicist now. Astrophysics is cool." He paused again. "I _would_ shake your hands but as you can see, they're currently unavailable... and a bit sticky... Sorry."

"It's okay. Just keep doing what you're doing," Rory said, his eyes watching Benjamin's far more sophisticated handling of a patient that Rory has ever seen. But Benjamin should really stop pausing every time he spoke. He was kind of getting worried that the distractions might mess something up even when he was almost done patching the Doctor up.

Benjamin nodded in acknowledgement and went back to it.

"Right, hi... Professor," Amy said but then frowned. It felt strange on her tongue to say that to _this_ face. "God, that's weird."

Benjamin gave a chuckle that didn't look like it met his eyes.

"Please. Call me Smithy. Everyone calls me that now," the professor said. He paused again, thinking. "Better yet, just call me Ben. It's easy, succinct, one syllable, three letter name. Yes, let's go with that! Call me Ben."

"Okay... Ben. But, I mean. How do you know the Doctor? How do you know us?" Amy asked, slightly annoyed.

The man looked at Amy, holding her eyes for a moment. He frowned. "You really don't remember me?"

"You're not the Doctor, that's for sure," Amy said, folding her arms across her chest.

His expression was almost unreadable but Amy could see a tiny bit of hurt in it. He straightened, took off his gloves, and washed and dried his hands only to put on gloves again and grabbed a cloth and a bowl he just filled with water.

"No, I'm not," the man, Benjamin, agreed, the damp cloth in his hand wiping the dirt, grit, blood and whatever else off the Doctor's body in a gentle and slow way. "Well, to some extent I am. But. Well... things changed, haven't they? Became a bit... complicated?"

Amy shook her head, not following.

"We're not following..." Rory spoke, trying to figure out where they met a doppelganger of the Doctor.

Benjamin sighed. He stopped again and turned to face them fully.

"Has it really been that long?" he said. "How old was he when you last saw him? Before he, er, died, was it?"

"He said he was eleven hundred and three."

At that piece of information, Benjamin's eyes widened in surprise.

"And yes, he has supposedly 'died' about two years back. Lake Silencio, Utah." Rory added.

Recognition matched up with Benjamin again. He nodded.

"Right," Benjamin said. "Blimey. Did he really? Is he really that old? Must have been some farewell tour..."

"Why would we be lying?" Amy retorted, misinterpreting Benjamin's questions.

"What?" Benjamin questioned. He quickly shook his head, "Oh, no, no. I didn't mean to imply you were. I was just surprised."

"So, who are you?" Amy asked, in the tone that indicated she was on the brink of no politeness.

"Right. Well. I'm..." he hesitated, looking nervous and apprehensive all of a sudden. In a soft and quiet voice, he said, "I'm his ganger."

There was a moment where Rory and Amy just stopped moving and the thoughts wiring to an impossible and questionable explanation were suddenly severed with the real explanation taking its place of the unknown, no connections at all. Slowly, the connections began clicking into place but by the time they did, Benjamin was done cleaning the Doctor and sterilising his miraculously closed wounds, and was now looking down at the Doctor with a strangely transfixed and admiring gaze. It was somewhat unnerving.

"I thought you died," Amy said, interrupting the ganger and his sudden fixation on the Doctor.

He looked up, staring at Amy and Rory unseeing for a moment before he blinked and slowly, he smiled.

"Ah, yes, well, you see, my molecular structure _may_ have collapsed that day at the factory, but you have to remember, I'm no ordinary man. My molecular _memory_ on the other hand has obviously survived, being far more superior and powerful---."

He cut himself off, either because of Amy and Rory's looks of disbelief or he had just realised something.

"Sorry, that sounded arrogant. Rest assured. I'm working on it." He cleared his throat, waved his hand a bit. "Anyway, the rest is self explanatory."

"And you... what? Live like a normal human being?" Amy said, unable to picture the Doctor settling down.

"Well, yes," Benjamin said like it was the obvious solution. He even sounded offended. "How else do you expect me to survive on my own? Bills to pay, things to buy... No TARDIS, no friends... I've lost everything I had, everything I had been... Even the things I lost already. There's basically no room for another Doctor in the world. As you had said to me, there could only be one Doctor."

Amy remembered that conversation and instantly felt bad for saying such a thing.

"I..." Amy began, not knowing what to say. "I didn't mean that. I mean, of course there can be two."

"No, Amy. There can't be," Benjamin said, a little too sharply according to Benjamin because Benjamin faltered slightly. "There never will be. He won't allow it. I may be another person who can understand the things he's gone through but it also means someone else competing against him in this one universe. It's like that time we had a completely human Time Lord of our self. The Doctor would probably still call him a metacrisis but now I know how it feels to be the other one. The duplicate, the spare, the clone, the ganger... We're somehow not good enough to be ourselves anymore. All our friends are all of a sudden not our friends... Looking at us like an abnormally, not quite belonging, as though we had never been through the things we had with them, as though we're some misbehaving child..."

Amy stared at Benjamin, unable to look away. He was so honest, so open and so very different to the Doctor who wouldn't say a thing about his past unless it was accidentally slipped. And now here he was, telling them how he felt, but he wasn't the Doctor anymore. He use to be, but now it seemed he separated himself from it and became a new person.

"I feel marginalised, hurt, angry, confused, desperate, and upset, because I too feel like the Doctor because I am," he continued on. "Was. I have his memories, I look like him, I think like him. Unlike the human Doctor, I _do_ have two hearts like the 'original'. I'm still, essentially, a full Time Lord. Unlike the human Doctor who was shipped off to live in the parallel universe in the twenty first century, I'm still here but stuck in the twenty second century. I needed a new identity, a new life, new friends. I needed a job. It was either kill myself, which is almost impossible, seeing as that I'll turn into goo and reform again --- or I finally settle down and live a boring, linear life. I couldn't be the Doctor knowing that the 'real' one is still out there, living the life I use to lead."

"And you choose to live out here on your own?" Rory said, trying to see how that worked with what he knew about the alien, the Doctor. "We know you. Being alone... It's not..."

"Healthy? It's not _me_?" Benjamin questioned, an eyebrow raised. "Well, maybe that isn't me..." he paused before his eyes began to fire up, his body tense, "Not me, me I'm not... Well, maybe I'm better off alone!" he snapped. "Maybe I cope better on my own. Maybe it's for mine and the rest of the universes' own good? You don't _know_ me. You don't even _know_ him. Can you honestly say you know everything about the Doctor? Has he told you how his own people had died? Has he told you about his first wife, his children, his grandchildren? See, I'm not the Doctor anymore. _He_ is. I use to be, not anymore, new person, new name. But I _still_ can't trust myself to befriend anyone without remembering the lives of those I love that I had risked losing because of my arrogance, my need to impress those around me. They either died on an adventure or they survive and I end up out living them, watching them die anyway. Best to return them home when they're still breathing. No. Better is leaving them all alone. He's so vain, so naive, so _old_. So many lives, so many responsibilities, so many _mistakes_. He hates being alone because it feels like insanity and so very depressing. Call it jealousy, call it self-hatred, call it whatever you want--- I don't care. I _despise_ the Doctor. That's why the TARDIS went to you first. She thought I'd have it in me to kill the bastard, save him from his suffering, stop him from being so reckless and stupid, once and for all because she knows the Doctor would do just that if he were in my position and I were in his."

Amy and Rory stared, stunned at the bitterness in his speech. There was a few spikes of anger, yes, but most noticeable was the dripping bitterness and regret. It was heartbreaking. She wondered how the Doctor and Benjamin could still stand, day after day. Benjamin suddenly collapsed into the nearby chair and seemed to be hyperventilating, his whole body trembling, his face screwed up as though he was trying not to cry. Rory was about to go up to him and help him but then suddenly he controlled himself with a strong, deep, and steady breath. The tenseness disappeared, just like that.

"But he and I, we can't die. Not normally anyway," he continued quietly, calmer, melancholy. "He can never rest. And he could never resist an adventure, taking a few companions along with him to make the experience fresh. He could never settle down, never want to be alone. The sheer boredom would have killed him. It almost killed me. But even then, there's no rest, there's no stopping the memories from replaying themselves. Last of his own kind. Nobody to listen to him and understand him, afraid they'll judge him. There are so many people relying on him, so many people who for some reason love him and don't regret travelling with him. But he can't see it. He thinks he's selfish, ruining people's lives from sticking his nose into other people's business. He merely remembers the wrongs, the unavoidable mistakes. He's killed many to save many more. He could make a whole planet of beings shiver at the mention of his name. But they came about because others were afraid to make the decision. We've been running all our lives, ever since we were children. Running from everything... I've stopped. I'm healed now. Most of me at least. Won't ever be fully healed. I've forgiven myself, content with my run. But he's still running. Still so very alone, regretting, tired, but restless..."

He was on his feet again and slowly, he went up to the Doctor who seemed to be frowning and fidgeting in his sleep. Well, it looked like he was just sleeping anyway. It was weird to see the Doctor so naked with so many cords and such stuck on the Doctor and sticking out from his bare body with a long and soft blanket covering him from his torso and over his feet. Amy realised Benjamin had brought the Doctor back to life somehow or whatever it's called. The Doctor was breathing steadily, his wounds were closed up and he was cleaned up quite nicely. There were still bruises and the cuts and sown closed wounds but other than that

Amy was relieved to see he looked fine. Probably be in a lot of pain. But physically, he'll be fine.

The professor reached out and held the Doctor's twitching hand, squeezing it gently. Amy started a little when she watched Benjamin lean over the Doctor and kissed him on the forehead affectionately.

Astonishingly, the frown disappeared, the fidgeting stopped, and a small smile could be seen being formed from the corner of the Doctor's thin lips. Benjamin pulled back, smiling down with that gentle look back on his face as he moved his hand to card through the Doctor's hair, back to its former styling that Amy and Rory was use to the Doctor's hair to look. Amy wondered how Benjamin could despise the Doctor so much yet treat him with such love and care.

"Take care of him," Benjamin said quietly to Amy and Rory. "Make sure he has someone."

"River," Rory said, the first person that came to mind.

Amy nodded and turned to Benjamin whose smile had turned into a frown.

"He has River, right?" Amy said, feeling once again unsure of herself. "They got married. Sort of."

"No, he doesn't," Benjamin said, his tone still soft but there was an edge to it. "Unfortunately, he never will have her and she will never have him. He knows how, whatever it is they have, ends. River will eventually know as well. They keep meeting in the wrong order, never somewhat linearly getting the version that knows the other well enough for anything more than associates. They married in a, what? Alternative timeline?"

Amy and Rory nodded slowly. Benjamin rubbed his chin in thought. "So it never really happened. Well, whatever they have, it could never be called love. Affection, fascination, admiration, mutual understanding, some backward way trust; yes, yes, all of that... but never love. There's too much shifting, and uncertainty happening for it to ever work out right..."

He held up a finger before Amy could respond.

"And before you say it," he interrupted. "the TARDIS has always been a constant in his life, true. They have a unique connection, yes. But she's only a personified Time People technology time machine who knows wants best for him. But he needs some _one_. I'm not asking you to abandon your lives and live with him forever. Just... help him get through the pain. Help him find someone. Rory, Amy --- the two of you, his most recent companions, and so very beautifully human: help him see reason. He needs you both."

Amy and Rory nodded. They'll help the Doctor. He's their friend after all and friends look out for each other.

"What about you?" Rory suggested.

Amy looked at Rory only to see him staring straight at Benjamin.

Confusion took the professor's face. It was so different to see the Doctor's face looking like that more often than usual.

"What _about_ me?" Benjamin asked, not understanding.

Rory looked slightly uncomfortable and glanced at Amy.

"You and the Doctor," Amy elaborated, catching what Rory was referring to. "You know: together."

Rory nodded. "You've gone through it. You'd know him better than anyone else and know how to heal him as you had."

Benjamin blinked, as though he hadn't thought of that before and then grimaced, shuddered, probably seeing an outcome to it that wasn't pleasant to experience, no less think about.

"It'll never work out. He doesn't like me," he said dismissively.

He turned on his heel and strode out of the room. Rory and Amy glanced at the Doctor's still body, and knowing he was going to be okay, quickly followed Benjamin.

"You two were quite the duo back in the factory," Amy recalled. "Why would he not like you?"

"That was then. Pond," he said, his jaw set. "This is _now_. Not once have I heard myself say 'Yeowza' and then he goes and says it. Who on Earth says 'Yeowza' anymore? Even _I_ think it sounds ridiculous."

"Come on, Ben," Amy said. "Don't you think you're being a bit hard on him for just one word? Sure, there were times he said some pretty weird things, as you'd know. I don't see what diffe---?"

"It makes all the difference!" Benjamin said firmly, annoyed, his hands waving about in the air. He stopped by the console and turned to stare at them, his eyes hard. "I was him when our human self was made. The human us did one thing, _one_ thing that could save the universe but destroy one species, and I--- _we_ , scowled at him because it could have been us doing it and we hated that part of us. So he banished him to another universe with a previous companion of ours who had this fantasy of us being all domestic with her... But that's not the point! The point is, sending him away made no difference to us because that anger, that heartlessness that was so very necessary for the survival of the rest of the universe, was still in us. We could never run away from that, from ourselves. But then we sort of accepted that part of us, accepted that those sorts of things do happen and it's difficult to make the right decision when none looked clear cut. We tried to be a better man, and sort of moved on. I've changed even more since we last met and so has the Doctor. _I_ didn't marry River Song for whatever reason and get myself almost killed. _He_ didn't finally settle down and leave things the way they are. Which is why, when he wakes up, he wouldn't want to see me. We won't get along as we had back at the factory. Because to him, I have given up on saving the innocent. Because to him,

I'm the selfish, life ruining monster for not doing anything when others are in need of help. Because to him, I'm another _freak_. And now my flesh has been stabilised, making me a real regenerative Time Lord, because I've stepped into the _TARDIS_..." He turned and glared at the console and then all around him. "Yeah, thanks _Idris_. Thanks _a lot_."

The TARDIS hummed in what could only be interpreted as being a cunning remark of innocence, an amused laugh, or a flippant apology. Rory and Amy stared at the professor some more. He really is different from the Doctor. Obviously. Very human and authentic to himself. Amy couldn't understand why the professor was avoiding this. Rory shook his head, stepping towards Benjamin.

"What you're saying sounds like nonsense to me," Rory said, trying for rational. "How would you know if you haven't tried?"

Benjamin's hands clenched and flexed by his side, not meeting either of their eyes.

"I just _do_. Okay?" he said before marching towards the open TARDIS doors. When he was outside, he turned again, his back straightened. He forced himself to look at them again, a fake pleasant smile on his face. "It was nice to see you again, if only it was under different circumstances... I believe you have overstayed your visit so if you don't mind, this will be good bye." He hands fidgeted a little by his side and then, his voice softer, he said, "Amy, Rory. Take care of yourselves and... make sure that he stays out of trouble."

"We'll try our best," Amy said.

"Thank you, professor," Rory said.

Benjamin nodded curtly in acknowledgement. He clicked his fingers and the TARDIS doors swung shut. A moment passed before Amy shook her head. They've been thinking about the Doctor when they should have also thought about the professor too. Who did the professor have? Amy and Rory had been the professor's friend too.

"No! He needs us too," Amy said, rushing to the doors.

Before she reached them, the TARDIS shuddered and started again. Glancing back at the monitor, they were going back into orbit. She tried to open the door, unlock the lock--- but it wouldn't budge.

"He was afraid."

Amy looked at Rory, her head tilted to the side. She gave up on the lock and wandered back over to Rory by the console.

"Afraid?" she asked.

"Yeah. He was afraid of being rejected."

Benjamin's reaction actually made sense now.

"Can you think how that would feel? Disapproved and dismissed by yourself?"

Amy shook her head. She didn't want to think about it.

"It would be the worst person to receive feedback from," Amy said quietly.

Amy wondered, if not Benjamin, then why not River? What could have possibly happened between River and the Doctor that would end their obvious... well, chemistry? The Doctor already knows and River will eventually know? His past, her future. Nonlinear time travel was confusing.

The TARDIS landed back in their home, hidden under the tree in the corner of their yard. Every few hours they would return to the blue box from home or work to check up on the Doctor. It wasn't long before the bruises began to clear up and the sown up wounds moulded into scars. They had no clue as to what had happened to the Doctor and knew they'd have to wait until he wakes before they get some answers. They had no way of contacting River and they had no clue as to where Benjamin lived except in the country somewhere on Earth in the twenty second century. But at least the Doctor was showing signs of improvement and therefore had Amy and Rory less worried over the Doctor's condition.

But sometimes, Amy and Rory would catch the Doctor struggling through a nightmare. Some seemed violent while others seemed quite frightening. Yet whatever they tried that wasn't grievous to wake him, he wouldn't wake and it hurt Amy to see the Doctor trapped in his mind in something that shouldn't be relived.

It was mid April, two thousand and thirteen: two years and eight months since the Doctor dropped them off at their new home and gifting Rory a luxurious car, and six months since seeing the Doctor and Benjamin again. The Doctor finally woke up. He almost scared them to death. One moment, Amy and Rory were talking about what happened at the hospital and the next, the Doctor jolts on the medical bed, taking in a deep, rasping breath.

He was confused and disorientated. He tried to sit up. Rory quickly elevated the bed a little.

"Take it easy, alright?" Rory said gently, easing the Doctor back down so now he was leaning up.

"R-rory?" the Doctor said, unbelieving and a hint of... fear? His voice was raspy with disuse. "Is that _really_ you?"

"Yeah. Amy's here as well," Rory said, coming back to his side with a cup of water. "Drink this. It's water."

Shakily, the Doctor tried to take the cup out of Rory's hand but Rory put it into the Doctor's hand and wrapped his own around it before helping the Doctor tilt the cup. The Doctor drank the water gratefully. He drank another and then another and then decidedly had enough. Amy smiled in relief, hesitantly reaching out and touching the Doctor's shoulder. Involuntarily, he flinched, pressing himself back against the bed firmly, his eyes wide and frightened. Amy pulled her hand away immediately, a small gasp escaping her lips. She didn't mean to evoke such a reaction.

"Doctor..." she said.

The Doctor slowly relaxed and smiled weakly to Amy in what could have been reassurance but looked more like a grimace.

"Amy," the Doctor said mildly.

He looked from Rory to Amy and back, uncomprehending.

"What happened? Why am I all... wired up?"

"You mean you don't remember?"

"Well, I wouldn't be asking either of you if I did, would I?"

"I guess not," Rory said. "What was the last thing you remember?"

The Doctor opened his mouth but closed it quickly, frowning in thought.

"Strange," he commented. "I don't remember. It's all fussy at the moment. Lots of pain; that I am sure."

He looked at them again. He looked slightly uneasy.

"Didn't I drop the two of you off at your new flat?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah. That was almost three years ago," Amy said, glad that this Doctor, _their_ Doctor, remembered this.

"Oh good," he said, immediately resting back on the bed. Matter of factly, he then said, "I suppose River told you how I supposably died since neither of you seem to be remotely surprised of my reappearance."

Amy and Rory nodded. The Doctor knew River too well and River knew the Doctor well, just the same.

"Weren't you supposed to be hiding?" Amy said, raising an eyebrow.

"I was!" the Doctor said indigently. He suddenly looked sheepish as he corrected himself. "Well... I was doing a bit of travelling but I was being discrete about it, mind you! You know, staying under the radar and all of that... But, all I was doing was a little window shopping and suddenly I was in a situation that I stumbled across, pretty much accidentally. There were these people... Forgotten what they looked like. Not a friendly bunch but who could blame them. They seemed like they were in a rough situation themselves. They wanted something from me for their master, you see. Something important. But I didn't have it apparently, obviously, and they decided to rough me up a little to find out who I sold the object to."

Amy and Rory looked at the Doctor with raised eyebrows when he said 'a little'. It looked like he was viciously gang bashed. How could he be so flippant about it?

"I had no clue, and still don't, as to what they were looking for and really, if they had only answered my questions I would have been able to help them as much as I could and they wouldn't have needed to be so angry with me. But they were having none of it, thinking I was trying to lie my way out of a sentence I had apparently escaped from. It was all very confusing..."

Amy and Rory were looking at the Doctor as though he should be taking this seriously and not be so understanding of what those people put him through in what obviously was a mistake. He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Somewhere in the mist of said confusion they must have had realised something was wrong since they suddenly stopped at nothing to get rid of me from my confines. I suppose they made a mistake and didn't want to get in trouble if ever their master found out. I managed to return to the TARDIS and start her up but I must have tripped over my poor exhausted legs because... ah yes. Something outside knocked the TARDIS off course and I remember falling over the railings and down below, underneath the glass flooring..."

He slowly looked up to see Amy and Rory paying him rapid attention.

"I must have been in a state when you found me," he murmured apologetically, "I remember feeling lots of pain... All gone now but still..." he winced, shifting on the bed. "It was my world for a while..."

Rory was watching him closely and Amy looked concerned.

"You were in a state. You gave us a fright, you did," Amy said, playfully scolding. "Wounds not closing. Blood everywhere."

He could read the words in their eyes without them saying it. Torture, beatings... They knew without asking as to what he had been through. He shuddered, pushing away the memories. He then smiled, looking at them, his recent and loyal companions, with thankfulness that he was still alive.

"Well, the two of you did a good job in patching me up. Honestly, I can't thank you enough."

Amy and Rory glanced at each other.

"Actually, we only found you and attempted to fix you up," Rory said, not wanting to take the credit for something he didn't _really_ do. "We didn't know how to use the TARDIS medical equipment and the injuries and wounds you had were none I've ever seen or treated before. They refused to close. The TARDIS noted that we couldn't save you alone and flew off to someone who did."

"Did she take us to Cardiff?" he asked, groaning. "Don't tell me Jack's here."

"Er... No. At least we don't think it was," Rory said, not knowing who Jack was to begin with.

"Who's Jack?" Amy asked, curious.

"Nobody," the Doctor said quickly. His forehead creased, thinking of all the possible people who were able to treat him. "Was it Martha? River?"

"No, it wasn't good ol' Martha," Amy said, shaking her head. "It wasn't River either."

Rory wondered who Martha was but decided not to ask now. Amy and Rory were both nervous as it was.

"But if it wasn't Jack or Martha and it wasn't River either... then who else could it be? Do you know them? Do _I_ know them?"

Amy didn't say anything. Rory didn't either.

"How long has it been?" the Doctor asked, warily.

"From the moment we found you?" Rory asked.

"Yes."

"Six months," Amy revealed.

He stared at them before abruptly grabbing the nearby machine and began fiddling with it. Amy and Rory weren't sure whether they should stop him or not.

"Multiple stab wounds with some unknown poisonous substance. Substantial blood loss. A few bones broken. Dislocated shoulder. Crack ribs. A few muscles ripped. Bruising. Internal bleeding..." he paused. His expression dipped. "Oh. There's more..."

He pushed the monitor away and stared blankly at the wall across the room. He gave a humourless chuckle.

"If this is what I get for simply looking, then never am I window shopping again," he said, shaking his head.

"You could always have someone you trust shop with you," Amy suggested.

The Doctor looked away, pretending to be in thought.

"Hmm. Yes. Perhaps." he said absentmindedly.

Deciding to change the subject, Rory asked the Doctor how he was.

"Great actually. Never better," he said, turning back to look at them, beaming. He moved his legs and arms to prove his point. "Now, about my surgeon... Can't you tell me their name? I'd like to thank them. Really, I've never had anyone human patch me up this good. Usually people get confused when they try to fix up one of my hearts but this person did a fine job."

"Wait. You mean this sort of punch up isn't new?" Amy said abruptly, disbelief and shock.

"Well don't look so shocked. I'm over a thousand years old so of course I'd have been involved in such things more than once."

"You shouldn't have to be in more than one," Amy argued. "It's not normal."

"I'm not saying it is. These things just happen. _Expect_ the unexpected."

"Presuming that you were on some galactic planet, sounds like you should stick to Earth from now on," Amy said, crossing her arms. "Just Earth. To be safe."

The Doctor shot her an incredulous look.

"Just Earth? Why just one planet when there's a whole universe to explore? Not that I'm saying that there's anything wrong with Earth. Earth is practically my second home planet. But that's the thing. It's just _home_. It's not exactly fun, is it? Besides, you know me. Keen sense of adventure... Saving planets..."

"Always _running_ ," Amy imputed with a cheeky smile.

A strange look passed the Doctor's face as he echoed, "Running..."

By breakfast the next morning, the Doctor was up and about on his feet. He looked healthier, less skeleton-like, and dressed in the usual tweed, bow tie, boots – the usual appearance of the Doctor. His flopping hair was once again, floppy. And, according to Rory's face, the Doctor seemed fine psychologically but both Amy and Rory knew how it was difficult to read the Doctor even after travelling with him for so long.

"Well, I best be off. I've camped in your garden looong enough," the Doctor said.

"Oh come on. Don't be silly. Stay for a while longer."

"Oh no. I don't want to intrude."

"You aren't. You're always welcome here. Just stay a while, please?"

"Maybe."

"Doctor..."

"I can't. It feels..." he looked for the word. " _Strange_."

"What do you mean 'strange'?" Rory asked.

The Doctor shook his head, still in thought.

"I'm not sure... It's as though I should be somewhere at the moment. Somewhere... important..."

"Why not let us come with you?" Amy said, grinning.

Rory had a small smile himself.

"No! No, definitely not," the Doctor said abruptly, almost in panic. "I've been meddling with your lives long enough. Time to step back again before the universe realises I'm alive and hiding out in your backyard. It'll be dangerous for both of us if I stay any longer than I have already."

A long thread of silence hung in the air whether neither dared to speak as though someone or something was listening into their conversation right that moment.

"Then promise us something," Amy said, breaking the silence.

The Doctor's face softened.

"Oh I don't know if I can keep promises..."

"Try anyways," Amy tried.

"Oh, alright," the Doctor conceded. "What is it?"

"Find someone."

The Doctor didn't say anything so Amy continued.

"Find someone," she said again. "Look what happened to you when you travelled alone! If we can't travel with you, find someone who can. Another travelling companion or someone at least. Being alone, it can't be nice. We want you to be happy. Just... find someone, alright? Someone who can take care of themselves, someone you can rely on."

The Doctor had a strange feeling about this. There was a moment where neither spoke. The Doctor, after trying to figure out why this was strange, asked in a gravely serious tone, "Amy, why are you saying all of this?"

"Because you need to know," Amy said strongly without hesitation. "You're not being selfish to want to be around people, you know. Rory and I, we don't regret travelling with you. You've changed our lives for the better even though there were moments where we were a bit annoyed with you and your craziness. We've seen things others in their wildest dreams wouldn't be able to see. We love you, Doctor. We'll miss you. Right Rory?"

"That's right," Rory agreed, stepping forward towards them closer. "We want you to be happy, Doctor, we really do."

The Doctor felt his throat close up, welled with emotion. He wanted to say something but it was impossible to not feel warmed by their words and believe them. He nodded gratefully. He never realised... He thought he was ruining his companion's lives... Hasn't he? He had never heard, or at least to his memory, of them saying to him so clearly that they didn't regret travelling with him and that he wasn't selfish for wanting to travel with people.

Amy and Rory accompanied him out to his TARDIS. They didn't talk on the short walk but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. He was going to miss them, like every other companion he has ever had.

"Will I ever know who helped you and Rory save my life?" the Doctor asked Amy.

Amy looked hesitant. She glanced over at Rory who was also unsure of himself.

"Why does the person want to remain anonymous?" the Doctor inquired, trying another angle.

"We sort of promised him," Rory said slowly.

The Doctor sighed.

"A 'him' is it? Just give me a name. I won't talk to him. I'll send him a gift basket or something," the Doctor said. "Really, whoever it was must have been a genius—and I don't say that about people that I haven't met."

"You _have_ met him... bbbbuuut he changed his name," Amy said.

"Why would he change his name?" the Doctor asked, incredulous.

Rory and Amy pretended to not know.

"Spoilers?" Amy said, shrugging.

The Doctor looked at them in suspicion but didn't press anymore.

"Ah. Well then. I suppose I'll be meeting him again soon." He opened the TARDIS doors. "I guess this is goodbye."

"Not goodbye," Amy disagreed, hands on hips. "You're coming back to visit us once in a while, got it? Even in trouble. We're always here for you."

The Doctor glanced at Rory uncertainly who nodded and then turned back to Amy.

"Yes," the Doctor said smiling. "Why not? Does that satisfy you, Amy?"

Amy smiled and they hugged. "Yes it does." Warningly, she added, "You better."

The Doctor patted her back and they stepped away from each other. The Doctor turned to Rory.

"Oh, come here you," the Doctor said, grabbing Rory into a hug as well.

A moment later, Rory and Amy stood together, hand in hand as they watched the Doctor and his TARDIS disappear once again.

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor took a deep breath. Floating aimlessly in the vortex of time and space, the Doctor looked through the TARDIS's travel log. Whoever it was who saved him didn't think that the TARDIS would record the last travelled location. It was that or he just forgotten if he is someone he knew.

Who else knew how to operate the TARDIS's medical equipment? The Doctor could only think of a very few and neither of them would have lived to the twenty second century without a time travelling device. He put the TARDIS in motion to his next destination.

Funnily, the TARDIS landed right where it had last been; correct coordinates, correct everything. He wondered if the TARDIS wanted to return to the place and meet his saviour. Opening the door, he found that she had landed on a flower bed. It didn't look like it would be missed so he left her parked like that. She was parked outside a modest looking cottage that was surrounded by a picket fence and there was a silver car parked outside it. There was a vast land of wheat around him, a dirt path paved by tire tracks from hid left through to the right towards the forest further ahead. Although the house was well cared for, it seemed somewhat depressing at how isolated the house was from civilisation.

Locking the TARDIS, he straightened his lapels and walked up the walk-path

up to the house. Not long after, he was using the knocker to rap against the door. The door opened soon after and revealed the sight of the beautiful, familiar yet unexpected person who, now in hindsight, had obviously saved his life. It was like a breath of fresh air in a lifeless city. He wasn't sure quite how to respond but the mad grin that broke out on his face spoke differently.

"Hello again," the Doctor said, grinning.

The other Doctor smiled only slightly, his eyes troubled.

"Hello Doctor," he responded, subdued.

The Doctor took a better look at the other man. It was disappointing to see that he completely changed his appearance and simply looked... normal. But, who cares! He's the same man and has obviously survived!

"No bow tie?" the Doctor inquired.

He merely gave a shrug.

"Come in," he invited, opening the door wider and stepping to the side.

The Doctor entered and looked around him. It was interesting with many rooms and a second floor. As Smith gave him a tour of the house, the Doctor noticed there weren't many personal possessions. There's a wide screen television, there's a rug, a copy of Vincent's paintings hung here and there, sofas, pots and pans, many books, a computer, toothbrush... There were many things but seemed to have little personal significance. It was unusual to see in a house. It was like the Doctor's bedroom on the TARDIS. It wasn't really his bedroom, he just chose it randomly and decided to sleep in it but all it had was a bed, a chair, several books, and picture of Susan. At least his bedroom had a picture of someone. The Doctor didn't find a single photograph in Smith's home anywhere.

"Lovely furniture," the Doctor commented. "A bit bare..."

Smith didn't say anything.

"But really. No bow tie?"

Smith chuckled humour-lessly.

"No bow tie," Smith replied. "They are and always will be cool but they are simply too cool for school."

"School? Are you teaching then?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

The Doctor looked at Smith to see reluctance.

"Well? Tell me about it," The Doctor said, smiling encouragingly. "What do you teach?"

"Astrophysics."

"Wonderful! Very respectable field."

"That had been my thought exactly. No surprise there."

The Doctor smiled knowingly.

"How's that going for you?" he asked.

"To tell you the truth, it bores me. I have to be careful to not reveal too much of what I know and resist from living them evidence of things that shouldn't and haven't been discovered yet."

"Oh? Why hold back?" the Doctor asked, curious since if it were him he would have been drove crazy up the wall with the amount of people ignorant of what else is out there.

"It's the twenty second century," Smith explained patiently, "Human's aren't supposed to discover the mineral to run a thirty-seventh century multidimensional extra-terrestrial life form detection receptors until late fortieth century at the earliest."

"Why not give the humans a head start?"

Smith sighed and shook his head.

"I'd rather stick to teaching," he murmured. "It's easier that way. I keep a low profile. I teach what they should know. I attend faculty meetings. I answer questions without stepping over the line. Basically, it's an art really... to master being a normal human being. _That_ has been a challenge I have yet to mind having."

The Doctor nodded but in his thinking, he was shaking his head. Why was his other self so reluctant to be more than he is? Why settle down and live a mundane and boring life that he obviously doesn't enjoy?

"How are you? Physically?" Smith asked.

"I feel brilliant," the Doctor said, smiling. "Thanks by the way. It was very kind of you. I was just telling Amy and Rory how I couldn't thank you enough."

"Did you really?" he said softly. "Did they tell you about me?"

"Oh no. They wanted to but held back from saying anything revealing. They were under the impression that you wanted to stay anonymous. Which, now I know that it was you, hardly makes any sense."

"They were right."

The Doctor stopped by what looked like the bedroom and turned to look at Smith, frowning.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't want you to know that it was me."

"Why ever not?" the Doctor demanded.

"Because."

"Because?"

"Yes, because I didn't want you to know."

"I don't understand. Did... Did something happen?"

"Well. Let's think," Smith said, pretending to think. "I was planning to have a nice quiet evening by myself when suddenly the TARDIS shows up and Amy, paler than she already is, comes knocking on my door. Then, I was compelled, against my will, to enter the TARDIS to see you unconscious, barely recognisable, and dying. And then, I had to fix you up while Amy and Rory stand by and played bloody one hundred questions and... and... Why can't you just look after yourself?" Smith shouted, annoyed and pissed off. "What if the TARDIS came to me instead of going to Amy and Rory? What if I weren't alive? I don't want to even _look_ at you. Last of the Time Lords and you just go throw yourself around as though nobody would care."

Smith dropped himself on the edge of the bed, his head bent forward, his face in his hands. The Doctor watched this, his mind reeling. Why was he crying? Why did he care so much? What does this mean?

"Is that why the mirrors in the house are covered?" the Doctor asked instead.

Smith took deep, calming breaths. He reined control of his emotions and looked up at the Doctor.

"What I want to know is why." Smith said, his tone flat.

Smith's eyes, so green and mesmerising were staring right at him, as though he was looking right into the Doctor's soul. The Doctor stood where he stood, his feet shuffling a little, his hands rubbing and holding each other, his eyebrows dipped. He was nervous, uncomfortable, and felt his mouth suddenly go dry.

"You know why," he whispered, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably.

"I do," Smith agreed but his eyes were unrelenting. "But I want to hear it from you."

Smith looked apprehensive as the Doctor approached him. The Doctor sat beside him and shifted so he was facing Smith. Realising what the Doctor was about to do, he shifted himself so he was facing the Doctor.

"Only if you want to," Smith said, referring to the method.

"Oh, I do," the Doctor replied seriously.

Simultaneously, they lifted their hands and places their fingers against each other's temples, closed their eyes and concentrated. In the intimate connection they shared memories, emotions, and thoughts they each had since the last time they met. It was not long before they returned to the present, their eyes flying open to meet the other.

They dropped their arms and simply stared at each other for a moment, each in their own mind, thinking, remembering, understanding. The Doctor felt proud that Smith was able to be stronger than he was, moving past the pain of losing so much, and did what he needed to do to survive, to contribute to the Earth in a small but large way by educating the children. It must have been very difficult. The Doctor wasn't sure if he'd be able to do what Smith had done if he were in his position. And Smith knew the Doctor didn't like being alone but he had to stop so he wouldn't endanger others, the Doctor didn't like having to be responsible but at the same time he can't help but help others. And Smith understood that, he knew him so well. Except... now that the Doctor knew the real reason why Smith didn't want him to know it was he who saved him, made the Doctor sad that Smith would think the Doctor could be _that_ heartless towards Smith. He wanted Smith to understand that nothing has changed.

"Oh, Benjamin. I envy you," the Doctor murmured, leaning forwards, his hands gently holding Smith's face.

"I would _never_ reject you."

Their gazes still locked in place, both of them looking quite serious and honest. Smith was quiet for a moment. His shoulders were relaxed now. He gave a small smile.

"Neither would I," Smith murmured back, closing the gap between them.

Later when the Doctor thought about it: who better to be your life long companion, someone you trust, who understands you, and who can take care of themselves... than yourself? Well... he couldn't say _exactly_ himself. Benjamin Smith is his own person and the Doctor respects that. They had been the same person, they've been through many things that were the same, but Smith, he's unique, different, humanly, and beautiful. And if Benjamin was up for it, he and the Doctor won't ever have to be alone ever again. The Doctor never would have thought that reconciling with himself could be so wonderful.


End file.
